WHOA!

I'm back!

My beautiful Swiss boyfriend decided I am better off an ex-girlfriend. Bummer. Welp. On the bright side, I guess it means I have to actually pay attention to this thing. Maybe.

I'll think about it.

I wonder what Krisztian is doing. Better be sending me Swiss chocolate ...

Wait. WAIT. DAMNIT. How does he do it! Donthinkaboutswissmandontthinkaboutbeautifulmandonthinkaboutchocolate....Seriously! What good is it to date a man from Switzerland if you can't get some chocolate out of him when he decides you're too crazy?

Anyways. Here's a photo or two just for giggles, since I ignored this thing for ... 3 years. Don't blame me, blame Switzerland. Find me at facebook.com/christinajobob for more random thoughts and ho-larity.

What I did for the last three years when I was dating a beautiful, talented, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, tall, insightful, stubborn, beautiful, achy-back, light eyed-Swiss man:

Climbed hills and posed for impromptu Diet Coke ads!


Flopped around in a bikini on a beach for the internetz!


Slept 2 hours a night! Like a fetus!


Spent quality, responsible time with my mother!


Excersized with balls!


Posed with ice cream in Santa Monica!


Was completely white for one day!


Paid my respects to PETA!


Dialed in for directions at the grocery store frozen food aisle!


Was mature!


Was really, really awkward with said Swiss man!

Wazzzzuuuuuup!

I'm sorry I lied about updating this regularly, I still don't have a computer in the batcave. BUT in the mean time, please go watch my boyfriend's new online series, Hollywood Bats! It's a spoof on Batman living in LA and all of the shenanigans he and crazy parodied comicbook villians get into. What a talent that Swiss man and his friends are.

http://www.indii.tv

DIGG IT OR DIE. (just kidding.)

(Keanue Reeves.)

I take a break from your regularly delayed MonkeySticks shenanigans to deliver you this:

Keanue Reeves will become a regular feature of MonkeySticks. Consider it a running gag if you will, but I will find a way to make KeRe a part of every project I do. Moreso me photoshopping googled images or fake third personing him in, but whateva. We'll be like a cute little team!

In other good news, I might be acquiring a new computer in the near future, thus allowing the existance of MS to move from highly debated to merely skepticized.

Ok, now back to your drooling. I promise 2010 will bring you great love. Of the website, not in life. I mean, I'm good ... but not that good ...

Welllll .... crap. I haven't posted. There's a very good reason for this, and the reason is that my computer decided take a huge dump on my life and quit. It's took an audios to my delicate fingers and walked away from this life on electronic Earth.

It'll probably be a while until I can get a new Lappy Top 3000, and until then most of my entries will come from my work computer. Did I mention Clear Channel overviews my daily inputs and outputs? It does. Guess I won't be blogging about dicks and vags for a while. Pumpernickle.

Feel free to follow my daily adventures on my facebook - facebook.com/christinajobob. Daily hilarity offered there. Yes. Awesome.

Updates are like PRN raises in the world of MonkeySticks ... far and few between ...

I've been on my death bed lately, thus explaining the lack of updates. Many, many half asian apologies.

Once I get back on my feet, do a little lepruchuan like side kick (effectively foot slapping whatever 3 foot person/child/dog in the way in the face) and whistle along my merry way - I'll update this site.

I have not abandoned you my child. Shhhhhhhh ... mama still loves you .... shhhhhhhh ... don't cry ...

I'm totally getting a half naked mailman. No, it's not Krisztian ... but that would be rediculously awesome.

Krisztian as half naked mailman: "Halllooo, I've gotz un pahckaggge fohr yeew. Vink Vink."
(He's from Switzerland, that was my sad attempt at sounding out his accent.)

Monkeysticks.net at its finest. Trust me, there's a point to this.

Hello 500 people emailing me I need to update my site more often - I promise an update is coming soon! Coming within the next eternity:

-New website layout
-Expansion of poop entry - WITH video!
-Half naked men

mmm half naked men ...

Finally, after years and years and YEARS of being infatuated with poop jokes I have the Christ of all poop jokes - oh GOD it's GREAT!



I'm ... I'm ... I'm speechless ... think of all the wonderful gags and jokes you can do with this thing! It's every annoying four year old who doesn't fully comprehend what poop is's dream! Connecting that thought with a new one - I saw a corners pan for brownies the other day (a pan that only produces corner brownies, for people like me who go balls to the walls over stuff like that), maybe you can use brownie mix for this and leave it on somebody's front porch as a joke. I can see it now .......

1. Buy poop cutter outer mobob
2. Buy brownie mix
3. Go back to the store and buy peanuts, because after all, peanuts make it more realistic
4. Go back to the store and buy oil, because you realized you need more oil to give it a sleeker, more believable consistancy. Kick dog/small child along the way out of frustration.
5. Cut out top graphic of poo shape box
6. Make brownie mix (don't forget the peanuts!)
7. Partially bake brownie mix to make sure it's plyable enough to force down a star hole
8. Take pictures with hand rolled log and laugh immaturely for a few minutes
9. Force poownie mix through star studded tube onto waxed paper (greased of course ... we woudln't want this to stick to the pan after all that hard work)
10.Take suns and stars and various assorted shapes to neighbor/coworker you hate and leave it at their doorstep/office desk. Make sure they are on top of the cut out, print side up so they can see where the shapes were inspired.
11.Laugh at your neighbor's/coworker's expense as they step/sit in the mix, thinking it's horrific, undigested 'nutter poo.
12.Laugh some more.

On another related note, my brother once pooped in the toilet and ran to get me to show what proud work he had done. He then threw a few matchbox cars in after it ... because matchbox cars make it go down the toilet easier. He flushed. We laughed.

Ha. Poop.

Oy vey, I started working on my next childish post when BAMMMM Photobucket got all school girl on me and deleted my image database. Thus, I will re-upload it and they can SUCK IT. YEAH!



It looks like a furry, miniphant trunk - doesn't it? The fur is so freaking deceptive. It makes me want to cuddle in bed with it and give it a cute name like Elmo or Snuffelufegus or Ted, but underneath that purrple furry exterior is a throbbing man sword dying to stab my insides to death. No bueno. Or ... muy bueno? It would also make a great banana protector. I really hate bruised bananas.

Dear Diary,

Wednesday night, Krisztian night. It's funny how feelings for a person can change over time. That's all I have to say about that.



Zataranztan -!! -

Christina