Imagine the following situation: you're friends with somebody you briefly dated years ago. Four years after your last visit, you are his date to a family wedding. The day of the lunch rehearsal you drivity drive drive yourself down, excited to finally see him again when BAM, family happens.

This is the story - the true story - of what happens when family starts getting nice and strangers start getting comfortable. The Morris family - Orange County!

(It's a Real World spinoff, get it? Ugh, ignore me. Carry on.)

So, as stated previously stated, I was my friend's date to his brother's wedding. We made plans for this last year and I believe his mother has known about it ever since. If I recall correctly, this is about the time the "Chris is bringing a date! Like, totally OMG! Freak me out!" moments started.

Fast forward to last Friday and I've driven myself down to Dana Point Harbor for his brother's lunch rehearsal. It's a gorgeous day, I have the day off of work, and I just know this is going to be nothing short of a fantastic, eventful day. Even after sitting in 3 hours of traffic, I managed to not flip off or call a single driver "a dirty fucking douchebag" ... that's the sign of me being in a good mood! Well ... I had the eventful part down, alright.

As soon as I walk downstairs, I meet up with Chris, who, by the way, is still just as pretty as I remember. That was, uh, just a side note, moving on. Not two seconds later the family starts to swarm in. I meet person after person after person and forget name after name after name. Granted, they were just as sweet as pie, but it was all very overwhelming at first. I remember meeting his parents and becoming smitten with his sister's newborn son (I looked but did not touch, sorta like when you go through the 'fine china' section at Nordstrom's ... I have a tendancy to break fragile things. Probably best I stay away from the baby.) We eat, I'm introduced to Chris's brother via a story of his intestines, his father almost kills me with swords while the family looks onward ... really just a normal lunch.

To recap the rest of the day (Friday):

1. Was having a super duper conversation with his mom and sister and my period comes gushing forth. Oh mother nature, you're really such a swell, considerate gal! I had nothing on me so I was forced to come forward and admit defeat. "Hey I know I just met you, but I'm bleeding profusely from my vagina! Hey, at least this means I'm not knocked up! I'll give your son the opportunity to do THAT later *wink wink*" Ok, so that last part didn't happen. It'd be amazing if it did.

2. Aunt takes me to the drug store and tells me a story, wrapping it up with "I woudln't be suprised if Chris elopes." *look in my direction* *stare*

3. In n Out shenanigans. Insert more Chris talk here. I decide his cousin Gentry is quite possibly the cutest little girl on the face of the earth. Must ... resist urge .. to pinch ... cheeks ...

4. More Chris talk.

5. More Chris talk.

6. More Chris talk.

7. I leave for the evening, admittably dissappointed that I didn't get to spend much alone time with him. I did, however, really like being with his family. This is what it must be like to be a ridalin tablet in the middle of a box of uppers.

The next day was like a huge clusterfunk to my schedule, so many appointments to keep up with and weddings to get lost on my way to. The wedding was simply beautiful! My smug heart almost melted a little. The rest of the evening went like this:

1. More Chris talk.

2. Take photo of self in bathroom ... only because I could. Actually, I really liked the decoration them of the bathroom and was taking pictures because I have a bathroom revamp for my new apt coming up.



2. Hang out with the cousins.

3. Introduced to the rest of the uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins ... even the bride's side of the family started introducing themselves to me! I remember this one particular moment when one of his uncles (I think) started asking me if I like cooking, what I studied, etc etc etc, all the while giving Chris the ol' nudge in the arm. It took me a while to realize what was going on, but once I did I left so that I could stand real far away and laugh (oh, and point!) at his expense. I know, I'm a real kind, caring friend.

4. More Chris talk.

5. I got a solitary moment of boredom, so I took a picture of my feet.



5. More Chris talk.

6. I was sat at the table with his parents and grandparents where there was ... more Chris talk. Things along the lines of "Sooo, where did you two meet? How long have you known each other? When are you going to have our grandchildren?" I know, you're suprised that Chris even came up in our conversations. I was equally as shocked. I mean, I was just waiting to POUNCE on that one. In reality, the conversations were very interesting and kept me entertained the whole time. I tried to get them to dish the dirt on him, but no luck, apparently he was a good kid growing up. Ha, talk to my family - lots of dirty, amusing stories. I can't help it if I played with bugs and ran around naked all the time!

According to the name cards, I am no longer to be referred to as "Christina" but rather "Guest of Christopher Morris."



7. Talked with Chris for a while at the head table, which, by the way, looked like a scene from the last supper. See below for visual:



Mother nature reintroduced herself amidst our stellar conversations of can poop and almond champagne. Long story short, I bled on the WHITE chair cover. FUNK. There really is something about my period that brings Chris and I together. There's a story here about me, Chris and my period from when we first met. Ask me and I'll share.

I spend the next 15 minutes discretely running to my car in hopes of finding a tampon while profusely bleeding all over myself. There's no hope for my underwear at this point, so I had to ditch it in one of the surrounding trash cans. It'll be a blessed day for whoever goes digging through THAT trash can. It'll be like "cans, check. paper napkins, check. dirty bloody underwear, whaaaaaaa?"

Upon my arrival his parents/grandparents immediatly inform me of Chris's whereabouts and discretely insist that I go stand with him. After several hints and slight nudges, I finally give in and go stand next to him. Insert more Chris talk here. Throw in some stellar dance moves:



Is that ... is that an irish jig? By golly, me's found me a 6' something" leprechaun!

Ugh my hands are getting tired, let's try to wrap this up ... in summary, it was a beautiful, beautiful wedding and I had a wonderful, wonderful time with his family ... even if there was a lot of hinting at me and Chris. Throw in some sighs of relief that he's not gay. Oh and 100+ invites to the next wedding. And a nice ride back to the house. And a nice evening afterwards. And a nice spend the night (hey hey get your mind out of the gutters, you filthy filthy sex maniac! not like that!)

I was pretty Sadface McGee to see him leave for Egypt the next morning, but had a great time with him in between. Sooo cheers to that! That man needs to visit me more often ...

I really think the following from Chris's email to me puts everything in perspective nicely:

Im sure there was some disappointment when i gave the wedding speech by not announcing our marriage, soon planned pregnancy, and move next door to my parents.

Well put Morris, well put.