1. Older people sure do like to talk about their health a lot.
a. “Oh good golly gosh, my blood pressure is through the roof! Quick, Lloyd, bring out the pressure cuffs. Oh yeah, my doctor said to me ‘Maud, stay away from stress, at your age you just have to be careful.’ I mean, between the fibromyalgia, heartburn, anxiety, old agedness … oh gaud oh gaud 120/90 is that bad?! Somebody call Harold, my doctor, or 911.”
b. “I take the blue pill in the morning, it keeps me from going crazy … and then the red an hour later to keep from getting constipated … Oh gaud I had this awful, awful bowel movement this morning, I swear THIS big” (insert hand signals) “Do you get that too, Maud?”
2. Small children are a good form of contraception
a. Insert screaming
b. Insert more screaming
c. Insert even more screaming
d. Throw in some running and maybe a little bit of throwing
e. Insert more screaming
f. 5 year contraceptive period achieved.
3. If it looks slick – it probably is!
a. 80 mph in a mountainy area where 4 wheel drive and chains are required … maybe one shouldn’t be doing that? Just a thought?
b. 80 mph in a mountainy area where 4 wheel drive and chains are required … and we’re currently passing through Donner’s Pass? Yeah, probably a sign to slow down.
4. I, without a doubt, do not look good in unisex thermal underwear. As a matter of fact, it makes me look like a dickly dude. Bulge much, anybody?
a. Exibit:
b. Point achieved.
5. Telling people about Andrew and me = not a good idea.
a. Self-explanatory. From what I hear, he has the same results when he tells the ladies about him and me as well. Go figure. Buddiez 4eva.
